Ketel One and I have come up with 35 bar rules to live by. Enjoy.
1. If you owe someone money.. always pay them back in a bar. Preferably during happy hour.
2. Always toast before doing a shot...and make it irrelevant to everyone.
2. Always toast before doing a shot...and make it irrelevant to everyone.
3. Never borrow more than one cigarette from the same person in one night. Unless they're drunk...in which case they'll just assume they smoked the whole pack.
4. Do not make eye contact with the bartender if you do not want a drink.
5. Unacceptable things to say after doing a shot: "Great, now I'm going to get drunk.".." I hate shots." and/or "It’s coming back up."
6. Never, ever tell a bartender he made your drink too strong.
5. Unacceptable things to say after doing a shot: "Great, now I'm going to get drunk.".." I hate shots." and/or "It’s coming back up."
6. Never, ever tell a bartender he made your drink too strong.
7. If someone offers to buy you a drink.. upgrade your liquor preference.
8. Our parents were better drinkers than we are...they just don't want you to know it.
9. After your sixth drink, do not look at yourself in the mirror. It will shake your confidence.
10. If you can’t afford to tip, you can’t afford to drink in a bar. Go to the liquor store.
9. After your sixth drink, do not look at yourself in the mirror. It will shake your confidence.
10. If you can’t afford to tip, you can’t afford to drink in a bar. Go to the liquor store.
11. If you have been roommates/best friends with someone more than six months.. you may drink all their beer, even if it’s hidden, as long as you leave them one.
12. The only thing that tastes better than free liquor is stolen liquor.
12. The only thing that tastes better than free liquor is stolen liquor.
13. If you ever feel depressed, get out a bartender’s guide and browse through all the drinks you have never tried.
14. Anyone on stage or behind a bar is fifty percent better looking.
15. You can tell how hard a drinker someone is by how close they keep their drink to their mouth.
14. Anyone on stage or behind a bar is fifty percent better looking.
15. You can tell how hard a drinker someone is by how close they keep their drink to their mouth.
16. A bar is a college, not a nursery. If you spill a beer, clean it up. If you break a glass, wait for a staff member to clean it up, then blame it on someone else.
17. Being drunk is feeling sophisticated without being able to say it.
18. It’s okay to drink alone..it's less embarrassing.
19. Your songs will come on as you’re leaving the bar.
20. Never yell out jukebox selections to someone you don’t know.
21. Lie about your name and life in a bar. Or grossly exaggerate and lean.
22. If you think you might be slurring a little, then you are slurring a lot. If you think you are slurring a lot, then you are not speaking english.
17. Being drunk is feeling sophisticated without being able to say it.
18. It’s okay to drink alone..it's less embarrassing.
19. Your songs will come on as you’re leaving the bar.
20. Never yell out jukebox selections to someone you don’t know.
21. Lie about your name and life in a bar. Or grossly exaggerate and lean.
22. If you think you might be slurring a little, then you are slurring a lot. If you think you are slurring a lot, then you are not speaking english.
23. Never rest your head on a table or bar top. It is the equivalent of voluntarily putting your head on a chopping block.
24. Asking a bartender what beers are on tap when the handles are right in front of you is the equivalent of saying, “I’m an idiot.”
25. Never ask a bartender “What’s good tonight?” they do not fly in the scotch fresh from the coast every morning.
24. Asking a bartender what beers are on tap when the handles are right in front of you is the equivalent of saying, “I’m an idiot.”
25. Never ask a bartender “What’s good tonight?” they do not fly in the scotch fresh from the coast every morning.
26. If there is ever any confusion, the fuller beer is yours.
27. The patrons at your local bar are your extended family, your fathers and mothers, your brothers and sisters.
27. The patrons at your local bar are your extended family, your fathers and mothers, your brothers and sisters.
28. It’s acceptable, traditional in fact, to disappear during a night of hard drinking.. you will appear mysterious and your friends will understand. If they even notice.
29. If you hesitate more than three seconds after the bartender looks at you.. you do not deserve a drink.
30. If you’re going to drink on the job.. drink vodka. It’s the no-tell liquor.
31. There's nothing wrong with drinking before noon. Especially if you’re supposed to be at work.
32. The bar clock moves twice as fast from midnight to last call.
29. If you hesitate more than three seconds after the bartender looks at you.. you do not deserve a drink.
30. If you’re going to drink on the job.. drink vodka. It’s the no-tell liquor.
31. There's nothing wrong with drinking before noon. Especially if you’re supposed to be at work.
32. The bar clock moves twice as fast from midnight to last call.
33. Everyone is your friend when leaving the bar..including the tax cab driver..be sure to tell him how much you love him.
34. On the intimacy scale, sharing a quiet drink is between a handshake and a kiss.
35. You will forget every one of these rules by your fifth drink.
34. On the intimacy scale, sharing a quiet drink is between a handshake and a kiss.
35. You will forget every one of these rules by your fifth drink.
