O good Lord. It’s like I’ve been in the East Indies looking for the cure to Ebola.I didn’t realize 2010 wanted to bend me over without vaseline. There has been no romance to our relationship. My soul usually goes into mourning after the football season ends. I like to refer to the time before March Madness as “recovery time." You may or may not be familiar with this term. Doctors like to throw it around after major surgery to indicate how long a patient will have to recovery from the trauma the body goes through during said surgery. Let’s call 2009 the surgery and the last 4 months the recovery time.
I use the recovery time just like any patient who’s been through a trauma would…in complete seclusion. Of course the 27 snow storms that could rival some of Massachusetts finest blizzards also aided the recovery time by forcing me to drink at home.Snow storms can make you go crazy. I think everybody I know right now is pregnant. Why? Cause when you’re locked up you either fuck or get fucked up. Naturally.. I always choose the latter first. You get great ideas like doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground..the line at the liquor store is out the door and people in line are high-fiving like crazy and before you know it..you're dropping $150 on alcohol.
No power and two feet of snow can take anyone’s alcoholism to another level. There are many creative games you can play too..for example “Find the treasured alcohol”… After the first blizzard.. buy a thirty and put it in a cooler..hide it out in the backyard. When the second blizzrd has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler.. get a shovel..make a treasure map and hand it out to all your snowed in friends. Then take photos. You’ll want to remember these days. When the sun comes out and the snow is finally starting to melt…vodka bottles start popping up everywhere. Similar to burying nuts for the winter. Let’s call it Snowmageddon. Livers can’t take it and they’re overrated.
I started to emerge from the recovery process for March Madness until my bracket ended up looking like swiss cheese and consisted of just a bunch of teams that lost. Way to go Kansas. Despite March Madness living up to its name..we will be doing big things this year.
This summer I'll be heading to Mexico for the real tequila and a 5 day Latin lover who doesn’t speak English. Of course Saturdays will be a repeat of last year with the beer pong float and the octabong. Cinco de Mayo is coming up. You definitely don’t want to miss the debauchery that will be my life in the coming blogs. Because the doctors say…after the recovery process..the scars will fade significantly..you will begin to feel like yourself..they will encourage you to maintain a healthy diet because the right food and drink combo can help you regain strength and sometimes they recommend physical therapy. I'll definitely be liquoring myself up according to my healthy diet and hitting the gym to get ready for my physical therapy with my Latin lover. Doctor's orders.
So here’s to the nights where the sand is your seat..the waves kiss you feet..your friends outnumber the stars and even the chilliest of nights are still warmer than the cold one in your hand.
Stay on point. Stay alive. And above all stay classy.
