The Southern Sex and the City

Soul mate: (n) 1822; a person who is perfectly suited to another in temperament; a person who strongly resembles another in attitudes or beliefs. They have many similar interests and share an almost equal interest in their life direction. They will think alike and in many cases will be able to continue speaking a sentence where the other one has left off. They are a mirror of each other, although they do not have to be exactly the same. However, each one compliments the other with their individual strengths and weaknesses and they will understand each other by being on same 'wavelength'. There is no limit to what a true Soul Mate might do in order to provide their support and, on many occasions, it is not fully understood why they do so. (Webster Dictionary)

A friend is the one who comes in when the whole world has gone out. Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with.

I have the best friends in the whole world.

I met Charlie 10 years ago in a hallway at high school. She was wearing overalls and thought it was ok to comment on the money hanging out of my pocket. The money was a carefully executed plan to get more money and the overalls just begged me to make fun of her. She took it in stride though and we've been together ever since. We's like peas and carrots.

I met Poppy shortly after that..working lemonade stands trying to holla for a dolla. The attraction wasn't instant due to Poppy's natural ability to be flighty but it wasn't long before she too joined the wolf pack. Poppy has connections that only publicist dream about. This is a bitch you want on your team.

I've known Mercedes the least amount of time but that doesn't make her any less important in my world. She's a down ass bitch and gorgeous. We can get into bars and drinks bought for us just because of her boobs. She's quick to go along with whatever you need and loves a good fight.

I met Kate my freshmen year of college at Auburn. I was at a guys apartment watching ESPN or playing cards, when she came in. She stumbled up the stairs out of her mind wasted. I knew before she even spoke that we'd be fast friends. After she offered me the left over tuna casserole that had been sitting on the stove for 4 days, I knew then we were in it for life.

Esperanza (who I call Z) and I formed a tight friendship over books, history and religion. The 2 short years that I've known her seem like 20. We get it. We get each other and we get our desperate need to talk about current events, the country's past presidents and the constitution. All over a good margarita.

I met Mikey through my brother. I'd known of her for years but never had any one on one time. I was partying with the boys one day and Stephen said Mikey was coming over. I usually hate all of his friends but this time it was different. Mikey came with her own personal cooler full of goodies and vodka. A girl after my own heart. She hates all the same people I do and devoted herself to Ketel One. She doesn't take shit and she was never scared of how deep I roll. Bitch got a slot on my team the instant her cooler cracked open..it was love at first drink.

Kate and Z are married and can't always be down to clown but that doesn't mean that they are any less on my team or any less apart of my heart.

These are my bitches. We ride together. We die together. And that's true life. I can't even begin to describe the loyalty and the complete love we have for each other. If you mess with one of us, we will light your shit up. We're brutally honest with not just people on the streets but with each other. We keep it real. We don't judge. We make every attempt to have clear cut understandings about the way we feel. We don't do drama. And we don't do amateur hour.

We will go to war for each other and not think twice about the firing range we may have to stand in front of. We protect each other, we cover for each other, we are committed to the goals and success of each person. If you come at one of us, you'll be coming at all of us. Don't think for one minute you can get away with anything. We will find you. There's not a single one of us that wouldn't do hard time because some fuckhead thought they could get away with some bullshit. If you've never heard the song "Goodbye Earl" by the Dixie Chicks...now would be a good time to look it up.

We are rude but honest. Ruthless but loyal. Loud and annoyingly opinionated but silent when you ask for last nights details. We will lie for each other, kill for each other, die for each other. These girls and I will parade these streets and I'll be damned if you rain on it.

So when you think you wanna talk some game sprinkled with bullshit on it or deny something we know to be true, you should start sleeping with one eye open cause my whole bitch ass crew is coming for you. There is a special place in hell for the haters and the betrayers and we'll be your one way ticket greeters.

They're my soul mates. I will fight for them. They will fight for me. I have the best friends in the whole world. You should be so fucking lucky.


Stay classy. Stay on point. And above all...stay alive.

Ballers on a Budget

This is alittle different but the information is too good to not share with the team.


My friends have been real innovators (ßthis is my newest favorite word) lately. I’ve never been more proud. You know that moment when something truly wonderful falls into place and you think “Huh..why haven’t we been doing this the whole time?”

I’m all about a good time. I’m also all about a cheap good time. The same goes for my friends. Cheap whores. Yes. CNN has been telling me that the recession is over but we all seem to still be experiencing a personal recession. We got shit to save for. Like the giant slide and bouncy float that will hold 40 people for the pool. But just because we’re all on budgets doesn’t mean we rely on guys for our drinks or cut back on the amount of alcohol intake.

No my friends, in fact we up the ante. Get out your pen and paper and take notes. You’ll need this for future reference I’m sure. First of all..happy hour is your friend. Half priced drinks and $1.00 beers are enough to get any true alkie’s legs moving. Now the important way of saving money…pack a cooler in your car..frequent it during the night. Make sure your purse is big enough and you have the right bottles. No cans. They’ll catch on to that shit. Downsize your purse. You’ll need room. Guys find a good girl friend to carry the goods. She’ll be down to clown. Recession hits all children of shape and size. No one is safe.

The number one thing you kids need to remember is this: Miniatures. One miniature bottle holds about a shot and half maybe. Coke/Diet Coke/Dr. Pepper/Sprite/Whatever your heart desires is free at the bars. FREE bitches. Free.Because coke is like water at restaurants..they make their money off the liquor and although you’ll get some funny looks cause you clearly haven’t been drinking just coke.. keep on rolling. Now follow along…one Jack/Coke is say $5.50 at the bar. It takes at least 2 to get you started. SO you’ve already spent $11.00 before you even have a buzz. ß Not recession proof material.

BUT if you go to the liquor store get 8 minitures…that’s 8 drinks for those of you who can’t count..it will cost you $13.00. That’s right $13.00. Say it with me…Recession. Get a coke as soon as you walk in…drink that shit down..scuffle your drink under the table or grab yourself a lookout and pour one of the goods in. And BAM you have 8 drinks that cost less than 3 drinks at the bar. And BAM you get a buzz after say…3. What’s not to love? I’m trying to learn you guys something important here.

My lady friends and I did this very activity this weekend. I don’t think we’ve ever gone quite so balls to the wall and been so hammered in the downtown night life. For under $20.00 and not relying on guys to pull our drinks. Cause you know what that means..they expect payment. Sooner or later they expect payment.

And that’s my money saving tip lovers and friends. Get you some minifriends and join in on the budget saving skills we’ve already acquired. You’ll be glad you did.

Stay classy readers. Stay on point. And as always..stay alive.

The Recovery Process.

O good Lord. It’s like I’ve been in the East Indies looking for the cure to Ebola.I didn’t realize 2010 wanted to bend me over without vaseline. There has been no romance to our relationship. My soul usually goes into mourning after the football season ends. I like to refer to the time before March Madness as “recovery time." You may or may not be familiar with this term. Doctors like to throw it around after major surgery to indicate how long a patient will have to recovery from the trauma the body goes through during said surgery. Let’s call 2009 the surgery and the last 4 months the recovery time.

I use the recovery time just like any patient who’s been through a trauma would…in complete seclusion. Of course the 27 snow storms that could rival some of Massachusetts finest blizzards also aided the recovery time by forcing me to drink at home.Snow storms can make you go crazy. I think everybody I know right now is pregnant. Why? Cause when you’re locked up you either fuck or get fucked up. Naturally.. I always choose the latter first. You get great ideas like doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground..the line at the liquor store is out the door and people in line are high-fiving like crazy and before you know it..you're dropping $150 on alcohol.

No power and two feet of snow can take anyone’s alcoholism to another level. There are many creative games you can play too..for example “Find the treasured alcohol”… After the first blizzard.. buy a thirty and put it in a cooler..hide it out in the backyard. When the second blizzrd has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler.. get a shovel..make a treasure map and hand it out to all your snowed in friends. Then take photos. You’ll want to remember these days. When the sun comes out and the snow is finally starting to melt…vodka bottles start popping up everywhere. Similar to burying nuts for the winter. Let’s call it Snowmageddon. Livers can’t take it and they’re overrated.

I started to emerge from the recovery process for March Madness until my bracket ended up looking like swiss cheese and consisted of just a bunch of teams that lost. Way to go Kansas. Despite March Madness living up to its name..we will be doing big things this year.

This summer I'll be heading to Mexico for the real tequila and a 5 day Latin lover who doesn’t speak English. Of course Saturdays will be a repeat of last year with the beer pong float and the octabong. Cinco de Mayo is coming up. You definitely don’t want to miss the debauchery that will be my life in the coming blogs. Because the doctors say…after the recovery process..the scars will fade significantly..you will begin to feel like yourself..they will encourage you to maintain a healthy diet because the right food and drink combo can help you regain strength and sometimes they recommend physical therapy. I'll definitely be liquoring myself up according to my healthy diet and hitting the gym to get ready for my physical therapy with my Latin lover. Doctor's orders.

So here’s to the nights where the sand is your seat..the waves kiss you feet..your friends outnumber the stars and even the chilliest of nights are still warmer than the cold one in your hand.

Stay on point. Stay alive. And above all stay classy.