Hello my little fat cherubs and heavenly harpists.
As you all know..I'm ADHD and I drink alot of vodka. Therefore I've left you all blogless for far too long. Blame it on the mojito season. And beer pyramids that won't make themselves..lets be real.
As I reflect back on the month of July...I realize very quickly that most of it was a drunken blur. Just how I like my summers... and every other season for that matter.
July is by far my favorite month of the year. It's the hottest..so I can really embrace my mexican heritage. It's also when our nations Independence Day takes place. Two things I don't screw around with in the summer...the limit I can push my body in terms of sun and the highest alcoholic level I can achieve...and the fabulous excuse to light shit on fire and drink yourself into a coma and blame it on our nations birth. Terrific. Well planned fore fathers. I tip my hat to you.
This fourth I spent it with my boss. She's good soul people and she never lets you down on the alcohol. Her family was joining us from the deep south and I knew I was in for a real treat. I got up early that day..drank an Amp Overdrive followed by some more alcohol because I needed to be alert and ready.
I realized I had stumbled into something special when the grill back fired and her aunt dove behind a chair and told all of us to get down because there was a drive by. She was about 3 days drunk when she got there...so you can imagine what great friends we soon became. She stumbled around with her words...but because I speak fluent drunk ...we had no language barrier. I also owe my deviled egg skills to her. I hope you come by my house on Christmas.
Every weekend in July my friends and I would lay out by the pool. Popping tops at 9:30 AM and staying well into the afternoon. Nothing like the scorching sun rays to help dehydrate you and get you drunk faster. Ahh summer..how I wish you could stay...we bought a beer portopong float and we stole an octabong (an 8 person funnel..it's great for under water). The cops have been called on us twice and I believe UAB has moved me up the liver transplan list. After laying out ALL day, we'd drink some Amp Overdrives and head out into the downtown oasis for more drinks and some hardcore bump and grinding on the dance floors.
After a month of building up our tolerance levels to Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan rehab worthy.. we decided to celebrate with an all girls beach trip.
Three days. 12 girls. Coolers full of alcohol. The octabong. The portopong. And luia decor. There's not awhole lot I can say about this trip because there's not awhole lot I can remember. What I do know is..we put our SEC college drinking skills to the test and came out victorious. We drank some frat boys under the table and danced til 4 in the morning. I remember testifying to the band singing "Purple Rain" like it was my life's theme song. J and I discovered that you get more free drinks when you say you're twins and that you just turned 21. I'm pretty sure..someone sang happy birthday and dedicated a song to us. I take pictures so I can remember what happened the night before...
Like I said. July was one big drunken blur...and if that's how my summer was...I can't wait til it's the holidays again. So come on and help me out Ketel One..if you have a drink please put it high in the air and repeat after me..Bring on August. I'm planning to do alot of outdoor adventures drunk.
You stay classy readers.
