Well kids. It's the holiday season again.
I love the holidays. Any holiday that makes a special drink equipped with alcohol so you won't kill your family is an alright season for me. Come to think of it ..that's every season for me...but I digress.
Garrison Keillor once said "A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together." And go through it DO I.
This holiday season kicked off much in the same fashion it does every year. J and I usually have a strict schedule we adhere to the entire 2 months of November and December. It is strageized and carefully catered to our liking- plan. One that takes the other 10 months to plan out. We sit down at dinner like we are writing the next Declaration of Independence. This is the one time of year where we will allow blackouts without explanation. All throughout the season we will cheers to each other with one word.."Holidays."
There's a BIG event that launches us full speed- mass flying- rutter pointed forward into the spirit of the holidays. This year we decided to skip Thanksgiving with the familys..because the holidays are about us.. and go hunting and from there head to the Iron Bowl. A true spectacle.
As I've previously said in past blogs...we go full stealth mode. We took a day off of work to prepare. Get our minds right if you will. Much in the same way Rocky trains for a fight. Hunting is not for the weak. And neither are our holiday celebrations. After loading the cooler down with our holiday specials we were headed to Memaw's house.
Memaw's house is exactly what it sounds like...in the middle of the country..where deer roam free and unaware. J and I ready for the hunt.. decide to call it an early night and head to the back room for some shut eye. Little did we know that the holiday Grinch would try to throw us a curve ball.
The scene was this: 2 a.m. Both of us are sleeping restlessly..Thinking about the tree stand no doubt. When J seizes up..scratches furiously and rolls over. Odd.
Then my hand was on fire. FIRE I tell you. We both ninja flip out of the bed and immediately turn on our night vision and throw up our Marine hand signals.
Bathroom is what J's hand says. Shit on a Mulberry bush is what my hand reads.
The hair on my neck stands up...someone is trying to sabotage my holiday spirit. We turn the light on and discover a wasp. In our bed. On a mission. I made up cuss words at this point.
15 minutes later.. tobacco and barbie band aids on our stings we are nestled back into bed.. like live wires waiting for the enemy to strike again. I said "Self..if this messes with your shooting range...I will choke a wasp."
5 a.m. Thanksgiving Day. Despite the set back.. we are surprisingly alert. And ready. Stealth mode is on standby as we trudge out to the tree stand. Jingle Bells is playing in my head because...it's the holidays.
9 a.m. Nothing. I didn't even see a leaf move. At least we'll get to go back to Memaw's and everyone will be at the community center getting ready for TDay and the bathroom will be free and we will have nice hot showers.<---I also allow myself to dream whimsically during the holidays as well. It's the season of hope.
11 a.m. J and I are screaming out new cuss words and singing "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" as we wash each others hair in freezing cold water. Memaw has limited hot water. 30 people went before us. I would have boiled some hot water on the stove if only I had known. Survival 101 guys.
12 p.m. pop a top again cause it's five o'clock somewhere. You gotta be on point if you wanna hang with us. Turkey is being served and we're kicking it off right. Later on in the day we're feeling extra spirited and volunteer to take the knee high children on a nature walk. With beers in our hand, we taught them all about the importance of a nature walk stick and what kind of tree a Christmas tree is..and team work.
As we sang our last rendition of "Proud Mary" around the camp fire and our cooler is in desperate need of a full up...we decide to head to Auburn for the iron bowl.
After I get us to the AU using a map and a pencil..my skills run so deep...we waste no time mixing drinks and getting this football party going. After party hoping..Lil Wayne sing-a-longs and explaining what real liquor tastes like to the poor college kids..it's 5a.m. again.
J and I...like the Vietnamese soldiers we are..have stayed up a full 24 hours. Why stop there? Lets pull for 48. We've got that illegal speed in the car. Always reach for more children.
Tailgates and power hours later we're inside the stadium mixing drinks and heading out for a hearty War Eagle game. The game I screamed and yelled and almost passed out at..and that is true life.
As the weekend wound down to a close and we took a moment and survayed our accomplishments. What we realized was that real dreams do come true! I will list them in a bullet format below.
- Lost our voices. <---We make this a point during football season. If you still have your voice you obvi didn't yell loud enough at the refs. I'm not sayin, I'm just sayin.
- 48 hours up straight. No sleep. No lie. We go so hard.
- 72 hours of straight drinking...a continuous buzz was going at all times.Ccollege kids were in awe. That's just how I roll.
- 7 dollars left in my checking account. Sad day on this one. At least it went to a worthy cause. Alcohol and football.
- Feel asleep while farming on Farmville at 4 in the morning.
- Used our Marine techniques to shimmy my car out of a nearly impossible road block.
- Hissed at bitches and almost got to fight one.
- Have not taken a hot shower since Tuesday..it's now Saturday.
- Left behind a legacy. My cooler gets a standing ovation when we enter a room now. I've never been more proud.
A success? Check. Welcome to our Holiday Extravaganza. It keeps on poping until the ball drops in the New Year. Then we just call it our life after that...
Stay tuned. You'll definitely wanna see what Crazy gives me this year and how drinking can bringing everyone closer.
Happy holidays. Stay alive.
