Sometimes shit happens in your life that really makes you contemplate the choices you make. For me my epiphany came this weekend. In the form of Long Island ice teas.
I love to drink. You may or may not know this about me. Most of the time my drinking consist of high priced vodka..and I don't like to waste it all on one night...unless there's promise of a trip to the lakehouse and the hot neighbor down the street following me around in his boxers while he serenades me.
This year for Father's Day I thought I wanted to do something extra special for my dad. So a day early and after we sang camp fire songs around the table and held hands as a family..he left for work to take care of some "top secret NASA project." I tried to get him to let me in on the secret..cause NASA is signing me next week and I need to be in the know. Maybe I can impress some top guys with my knowledge and get a window seat to the moon. Who knows. After an hour of getting NOWHERE with Dave...I decided to hit the bar.
I settled in to my usual seat with Red and started up a conversation about 1950's trucks. This is where I went wrong..way wrong..once you start with Red...he won't let you stop. Pretty soon I found myself 3 beers, two white russians, and a pitcher of Long Island ice tea in. Yes I said pitcher. Then because I put $5 in the jut box worth of music I convinced myself to stay and have another pitcher of Long Island...to finish out the songs of course.
I'm not sure when the course of events went from chill to out of control...but three things happened at once. My brother called and needed me...J was flirting with random guys so I had to act quick on her behalf or she would be making out with the whole bar...and some one in a back corner was yelling "Chug Chug Chug." So a half full pitcher of Long Island was handled in under 10 minutes. Red in all of his glazed over glory looked us dead in the eyes and said "A chip off the ole block." I'm pretty sure this was our proudest moment.WTF. This is what my liver was saying.
I don't remember much after Red peed in my mom's rose bush. I do know I woke up the next morning. Naked. The vodka was gone. The rum was gone. And I was 90% sure I was going to need Plan B. I also needed answers. Why was the rum gone? Who poured beer into a shot glass? And why on God's green earth were all of my underwears laying on the couch like a Victoria Secret semi annul sale?
I'm pretty sure I begged J for a cigarette (I don't smoke)..at some point I remember running around with a beach towel and nothing else..and licking vodka off the kitchen counter...while singing the Maxwell coffee commercial theme song. I also tried to convince everyone that the autobots were coming to save us. And that I could get them the hook up at NASA.
I was also fairly certain we lived in the Dark Ages and kept demanding to be called "Good Sir." It wasn't until I begged my brother to let me hang out with him and his friends..cause I like em young..to which he replied..."Ok but you can't act like you did last time."
I'm confused. I was fairly certain I hadn't cussed anyone out and I even managed to hug his girlfriends...this is huge deal. I don't hug. I don't hug girls. And I don't hug girls that want in my brothers pants. He quickly corrected me and said..."No. You were crazy ass drunk." My 21 year old college brother told me I was a crazy drunk. Rock bottom?
AA got its newest member that day. Hahaa no not really ...Jesus can you imagine? Lol. I am however, working on the 12 steps. I'm not sure what I'm going to do when I get to step 8. I'm a natural bitch so this will really take some work..I'm going to pick up some hobbies that prevent me from drinking quite so much...for example sky diving..rock climbing...shooting range..knitting...all of which would be difficult in a drunk induced state. Unless it was knitting.
I'll keep you posted.
